Current Events

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

How People Make Us Feel

Relationships are very delicate processes. It is easier to disturb one than to strengthen one. However, if a disturbing incidence gets resolved well, it strengthens the bond. Tricky? Not really, just needing some attention and awareness. This is a simple basis to ensure walking hand in hand instead of walking on egg shells:

Think about who you like to hang out with. What are their attributes? I, for one, like people who make me laugh and are creative. Somehow I get funnier myself around people like that. That brings me to a phenomenon that I have come across: We are like the 5 people we spend the most time with. In that case, we better choose well, who to spend our time with.

Our admiration is a built in guarantee that the relationship goes well with people we admire. The one thing that it takes is that they, too, want to spend time with us. But even this is not the case with the first person we come across, it will eventually. That means, if I like to be with fun people, the first one that meets that criterium might not want to be with me, but I can continue my search and eventually achieve my goal. This is a simple principle leading to the goal when practiced consistently.

Sometimes we don´t notice how other people make us feel. We might not pay attention when we are always drained and feeling hopeless after meeting with a certain person. There are "energy vampires" out there, and they can be charming and reeling us in, without us noticing for quite a while. It is important to be vigilant about how people make us feel. There is a difference between a friend needing us in a difficult phase and a "friend" who is always talking about her-/himself and never interested in us. It is the "enough about me, now tell me what you think about me" kind of person, stay away from them.

When a difficult subject has to be approached with anyone, first think about what they are trying to communicate, to achieve. Then, if it is of value to you to resolve this well - and it always is, burning bridges is not a good strategy - make sure they feel good about the way you go about it. That feeling will determine their future way of treating you. A good method is the Oreo cookie method. First say something positive, pleasant, nice. Then say what you want to address, the rather difficult part. Then, finish with another layer of something positive. It makes even a tough topic bearable for both sides.

All of the above, I recommend to use while being authentic and true to your own personality. I promise, it goes together.