My Friend Without an Answering Maching

A dear childhood friend of mine could be seen as missing today´s abundance that technology has to offer. She does not use the computer at home at all (only at work). She does not do e-mail, Facebook, or even Google. She only got a cell phone for emergencies since the birth of her children AND her landline at home does not have an answering machine. 

How is this possible? Surely it must be because of missing funds, resulting in disadvantages in life for her. Well, I have never seen a more focused person, never complaining, always happy to see you and stop and chat. Within 4 years, she and her husband have had 3 children (ages 4, 2,5, 1). They also designed, built and moved into their unbelievably beautiful home, including sauna and spa area, guest living area, hosted several friends for days at a time AND opened up their own pharmacy (they are both pharmacists).

I find this the very best example of what focus can get us. It is also a great reminder that modern day life has so many time wasters that we might engage in mindlessly. So, instead of being on Facebook, my friend enjoys hosting her friends in her beautiful home. Instead of spending time on e-mail or engaging in phone tag, my friend communicates directly and sticks to the plans she made with others. With her, you know that she won´t cancel in the last minute because "something else came up". Unless it is an emergency, she will be there. She never engages in gossip either. Rather than doing that, she is interested in whomever she is speaking with. She enjoys running their pharmacy and helping people lead healthy lives.

She exudes a strong sense of presence with everything she does and is not plagued by constantly re-evaluating and deciding. Her husband and her discuss their future plans, then go about reaching them.

If you ask her, she will tell you that it was a little much to have the kids, build a house and move and open up a pharmacy all within a short period of time. But "you are in it and go on with it", she comments light heartedly.

I believe, this was all possible, because they do not have an answering machine. People who are close know when they can be reached. Others would most likely only take away their precious time anyway. Now that is bold, and I like it. I am not ready to disable my answering machine, but I do intend to simplify my phone situation by reducing the number of lines and devices. I did ditch Twitter and Instagram and instead I am checking on our bees in our back yard. Lots of buzz there…..

Finding Your Passion and Sticking to It

When our family dinner got disrupted by two realtors going door to door to introduce themselves to drum up business, my husband and I pondered how hard it must be to do this job. It takes a long and dry road until one sale comes through and results in a pay check for them. I thoughts I could not do this ...

The reason why not is not a lack of abilities but because this is not my passion. Were it my passion and goal, I would not mind the many steps it takes to the finish line. What I am passionate about is my coaching business. A client on her own search for her passion and occupation remarked to me that I mentioned once to her how much I love helping people and that I must enjoy having found what I truly love to do.

This is made me think. I have found it, and I am grateful for it, for I had my own share of high ability/low passion positions (those are hard to leave, since it does not seem logical to do so). We all need that spark and that drive behind what we are doing to make it - not only bearable - but worthwhile, fun, fulfilling. It gives us a feeling of accomplishment, respect for ourselves, we feel balanced and are better at finding balance.

Signs that we are living our passions are:

- getting up in the morning plotting what we will do today and eagerly fitting the pieces together, coming up with new and creative solutions (even in jobs that at first sight seem boring)
- laughing at our own mistakes on the way and quickly incorporating what we have learned from them
- not counting every detour we must take, every do-over, but staying focused on the goal
- loving to share and talk about it if someone asks us to explain what we do, even if its because they are interested and might want to start doing that too
- seeing possibilities to expand, develop further, change
- not counting the hours spent on it, but rather sculpting the outcome and doing what it takes to get there without complaining or trying out shortcuts that are doomed from the beginning
- feeling gratitude for where we are in life and curiosity where it will take us next

I wish you much success in living your passions and hope you don´t give up if you are not quite there yet. Being passionate is an essential part of being. Do not tolerate living passion-less. Go find them and thrive!

A Passion For?

Growing up in rural Austria of the 70ies, I did not hear much talk about passion from parents or teachers. Looking back though, I was already living them from very early on and chances are, so were you. As adults, our passions can help us during days, when things seem difficult or even dire and make us or break us in times of grief and transition …

Sitting on my beloved swing-set, watching snow melting away and snow drops break through the ice, inspired me to come up with my first poem and sang it over and over, so that I remember it to this day. At 13 I won the writing competition in my school. Writing carried me through transitions of moving away to college, break-ups, as well as helped me stay compassionate and yet unattached enough to the sorrows of my 10 000 callers at my my job at a psychology helpline. Yet, it took decades before I became conscious of being a writer and developing that passion further (as in this blog, my columns, published articles).

Another passion of mine showed up in my favorite childhood play, which was helping imaginary customers choose patterns for their homes from my napkin collection (which were the samples). I remember that I wanted to help them be happy with their environment and themselves. Being a psychologist and life coach is the adult translation of that passion to help people be happy with their lives, and a big part of who I am today.

These are two examples of passions showing up early in life and playing key roles throughout the life-span. We all have them. It is as if it is instilled in us and we are happiest if we make them conscious enough to incorporate them into our current lives and continue to develop them.

I have seen stamp collecting carrying people through times of grieving for a deceased parent, cooking and gardening being the only reason for someone with depression to get out of bed, singing help a client overcome stuttering in one case and decrease shyness in another. A friend overcame her "empty nest" with marketing her desired cookies and selling them on farmers´ markets, another one redefined meaning in life after years of infertility treatments by reconnecting with her passion for crafts and opening an online store with her handmade items.

We don´t need to turn our passions into a profitable business or make them even pay for themselves. What they add to our lives is far more valuable than money. They bring balance, fulfillment and meaning to our days short- and longterm and are invaluable times spent in our days.

It can be tempting not to see their intrinsic value and rationalize them away, after all, we are always too busy already. I strongly advise you to make them a priority and make sure your passions have a presence in your life. It may take some time and prompting to reconnect with them, but they will resurface.

Start with 2 questions:
What was your favorite childhood play? What did you want to be as a child, when your grow up?

May the passions run strong in you.